As Father’s Day approaches I want to honor all dad’s who make a conscious effort to unconditionally love their children, be gentle men, and do their best to raise good humans!
I am blessed!!! My dad was an amazing man, a car guy who taught me so much about life through his love of cars. To learn more, read my book, Drive Yourself Happy: A Motor-vational Maintenance Manual for Maneuvering Through Life (http://centerofhappiness.com/book/). One of the greatest gifts he passed along to me was the ability to experience joy by creating joy for others. I am fortunate to have two amazing son-in-laws and one nephew-in-law who, each in their own ways, have taken a valiant stand for loving their sons (and my now remarkable grand-daughter).
I have two grand-nephews, Connor and Carson. Connor was diagnosed with cancer at barely 2 when Carson was only 4 months old. I spent about a year as a part of Connor’s support circle as he successfully maneuvered a bone marrow transplant. During that difficult time his dad would commute back and forth as he could from their home and his work in Alaska to Children’s Hospital in Seattle. He was an active presence for both of the boys, and when he couldn’t be there, he regularly stayed in touch by Skype.
Connor is now 10 and cancer free, but remains challenged by the after- math of his chemo and radiation. As a family they moved to the Seattle area to be closer to medical care for Connor, however his dad has taken a new job in North Dakota on his ongoing effort to manage the financial burden as a result of their continuing medical journey. Steve is away for weeks and drives across the country to spend his time off with his boys. I have never seen him express resentment. He connects with the boys daily by phone and makes the most of his time with them when he is home. Although not the ideal or traditional form of fathering or family, they make the best out of the circumstances and I admire him for his dedication to his two boys, celebrating Connor for being a survivor and Carson for being an amazing sibling that, even though he is twice his ‘big’ brother’s size, continues to stand in the shadow of his brother’s cancer.
My youngest daughter married her high school sweet-heart, Andy, when she was 24. Since I married at 19, even this felt too young to me and yet they were committed. They dove into marriage and soon followed my two grandsons, Parker (with ADHD) and Cohen. Like so many couples today they face the financial and emotional challenges that come with marriage and having children.
My son-in-law is a road
warrior, traveling often with his work, and otherwise works from home. My daughter has chosen to home school the boys to support the optimum approaches to accommodate Parker’s ADHD learning style, and together they stand up one more time than they fall in full support of their sons and one another. Andy also does his best to be fully present for his family even when he is away, is as involved as he can be when he is home, and continues to rise to the challenge of being a dedicated father.
My oldest daughter waited a bit before marrying Trevor, then soon came Brody, then Brynn. Trevor is a tall guy passionate about football and was delighted to have a son, Brody, and then Brynn who has him wrapped around her little finger.
At 2 1/2 Brody was diagnosed with autism, about the time Brynn was born. We gradually lost Brody to little or no eye contact, lot’s of unusual behaviors, and little intelligible language by the time he was 3. Although it seemed that the dream of Brody playing ‘catch’ with his dad had evaporated, aside from understandable moments of frustration with the situation, Trevor continues to show absolute and unconditional love for Brody, autism and all.
I remember a particular day when we took Brody at almost age 4 to be evaluated for sensory integration therapy. Brody stood still as Coach Jim threw him a ball. Brody made no effort to catch or deflect it. It simply bounced off his chest. I could see the pain in Trevor’s eyes, although he said nothing. Then Coach Jim got Brody to run, and while in motion he threw Brody a ball, which Brody caught! When in motion both sides of his brain were able to work together in a way that allowed him to catch it. We were all stunned. This was the first time Brody had ever caught a ball, and I saw the tears of joy well up in Trevor’s eyes. His son caught a ball, and in that moment his dream was fulfilled. It didn’t have to be perfect. His son caught a ball.
I admire Trevor because he has always celebrated what Brody CAN do rather than regret what he CAN’T do, and still it brought him immeasurable joy to see is son catch a ball. That moment opened another door to ways he might be able to connect more often with his son. Brody is brilliant and has come so far. He is about to complete second grade, still has a few rough social edges, and would much rather play video games than football, however Trevor, also a road warrior to support the financial challenges as a result of autism, is fully engaged and present when he can be with both is kids and loves them unconditionally. And, so far it appears that Brynn might be the athlete following in her father’s footsteps as long as the uniform can be pink!
So, today I celebrate these three special fathers in my life. They dare to learn from their mistakes, savor each moment, open their hearts wide, and eventually remember to choose to be happy over being right. I feel so very blessed to have them in my life and I know my own dad would be very proud of them, too.
Wishing joy to all father who put their conscious touch on raising good and happy humans by daring to be humble and vulnerable, loving their children unconditionally.
Joy-fully,
If you feel this newsletter would make the road of life a bit easier for another, please pass along. Invite all your family and friends to sign up for my newsletter by visiting http://www.centerofhappiness.com. [/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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