I am a process person who believes that all things happen for a reason, we are guided in amazing ways if we dare to listen, and good things are always embedded in difficult times and in the things we don’t understand…always, even though we may need to wait, resist and grieve. Happiness is so much more that momentary pleasurable things. It often more durable because it is hard earned, disguised sometimes by loss and heartache, and accompanied by weariness. This kind of happiness gives you a pass to a depth of joy that is ever lasting even when, or even because, it is bitter-sweet.
I recently spent time with my 10 year old grand-nephew who at barely 2 was diagnosed with cancer. Each moment was a celebration… even when he resisted working on a final report for school. He is here, cancer free and still is challenged by the aftermath of cancer and the treatment that saved his life. He is a determined little guy with graft-vs.-host. His skin is taught and his mobility limited, he is hardly over 50 pounds and a tiny guy who doesn’t know any different, but Connor did not get that memo. He is a force powered by love who keeps going, as does his mom and all who love him. Connor’s amazing little brother, Carson, age 8, who is almost twice as tall and weighs almost twice as much, has courageously been the sibling of cancer, trying to be his own form of brilliance when the light of notoriety falls on his brother. He, too, has experienced challenges as a result of the journey and I celebrate him, as well. Our entire family attempts to keep up with Connor’s social calendar as he seizes every moment to be the PR person for cancer causes. Connor’s particular focus is to raise donations for Camp Good Times (hwhttp://tinyurl.com/mu7rga2) so kids touched by cancer, like him and his sibling, Carson, can enjoy feeling normal, and give their parents much needed respite.
I remember an amazing kids who went through treatment at the same time as Connor. Taylor Carol was eleven then and was a gift to us for taking Connor under his wing (http://tinyurl.com/n6gp4mz). When Connor wasn’t able to express to us what he was going through and how he felt, Taylor could be his channel, his voice. And there was a wisdom that these kids shared despite the difference in their age. Cancer was their common language. Taylor had the opportunity to recover and move far beyond that eleven year old young angel. He now is a remarkably talented young man sharing his wisdom through his music (http://taylorcarol.com/) and also is a beacon for cancer causes whenever he can while promoting his music and going to Harvard!
Connor and Taylor are still here. And who know’s where their lives and their experiences will lead them. Honestly and vulnerably, along the way when decisions were difficult to make we questioned if all the treatment was the right thing to put them through knowing the torture and pain they endured to be here still. And yet, somehow all this craziness is purposeful. Taylor has emerged with fewer set backs than Connor and both of these kids use their experience as a platform for greater good. If cancer has a purpose, if cancer makes sense, this is how it does. It connects people, makes us more compassionate, patient, aware and conscious. And, if we are lucky, we allow it to make us raw. We bow to how it motivates us by the ever-present awareness that life is short and precious, and so we hesitate less often and ‘carpe diem’ more . We don’t waste time sweating the small stuff and trust that there is good in even the worst of times… eventually.
When I was with my grand-nephew between Ronald McDonald House and Children’s Hospital in Seattle I met so many brave bald headed wonders, some who made it and some who didn’t. I met their parents and family, some who found the way to live in spite of cancer and some who crumbled under it’s demands. No judgment. It is not easy to stand strong… and part of standing strong is allowing yourself to feel your own vulnerability, befriend time as a healing tool, and connect rather than retreat.
A year ago the story of an amazing kid, Zach, and his valiant journey with cancer came to my attention. I marveled the courage of Zach and his family to make their final days with Zach public. I followed Zach’s path the last couple of months of his life and appreciated his conscious choice to live it all fully using his platform to make the most lasting difference while he had the public’s attention. He lived and died with his heart on his sleeve, compelled to make his music matter. My heart ached at the news of his final passing at age 17 and I could identify with the uncertainty, resistance, hope, and acceptance as his family did their best to maneuver grief and its unpredictability with grace, together.
Connor is still here. Taylor is still here. They are our pioneers and guinea pigs for love being the answer to every question so no others have to walk this rocky and devastating yet powerful path. Zach is not here, and so many are left behind still grieving his passing, and so many like him still ride the roller coaster of emotion and unknowns. To honor them we allow ourselves to be made better, inside and out, by their many contributions.
And so, allow your heart to be expanded, deepened, inspired and touched by Zach’s story as we celebrate his gifts and acknowledge his passing one year ago. Grab the tissue and find the courage to watch these videos of Zach’s Final Days, A Year Later, determined to focus on the joy rather than the sorrow.
Zach lives on, only in a different form, and his spirit is channeled through amazing kids like Connor and Taylor. They invite us to savor every moment and make the best of what we have.
Big or small, follow your heart and do something that you are passionate about today. Don’t wait. Don’t worry about looking silly or making a mistake. Being authentic, curious, spontaneous and joyful regardless of the circumstances is what gives life meaning and makes it all matter!
We all hunger for our comfort zone. We want life to be predictable and easy. I savor it when ease prevails and I get to experience a smooth spot, and yet I have become my best as a result of the moments of heartache and upset that have been a part of my journey. Daily I stretch not to resist that this is life and that deep, durable, and meaningful happiness resides at the edge of our comfort zone.
Glad to be on the path of this kind of joy with you!
Joy-FULLY,
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