We all say we want to be happy, but what does that really mean?
Ever since my curiosity about what makes us tick and what motivates our choices lead my education in the direction of psychology I have wondered what exactly makes people happy. I put in hours of pre and post doctorate hours in preparation to sit for the licensing exam. All of my training and education guided me to help people find greater peace by revisiting their past, wading though the often painful experiences and diving deep in those sadnesses to find greater joy.
Some people came to me with a laundry list of violations and abuses and yet somehow had a resilience that caused them to focus on uncovering the blessings despite their challenges. Because of this they were able to lead a productive and inspired life. Other clients with a far less severe past lacked the ability to transform adversity for their benefit and were paralyzed in place. They remained frozen on seeing their plight through the eyes of a victim. I began to realize that it was not the circumstances of life that mattered most or were what defined our degree of happiness, but rather the choice we make in how to regard them.
Although traditional therapy in the hands of a skilled and intuitive therapist can be very insightful, especially when true disfunction is present, my past training soon evolved to reveal far greater potency in seeing my clients not as broken in need of fixing, but rather magnificent, only having forgotten their worth. To honor my own authentic style and to to foster their ability to reclaim their empowerment, I more consciously and intuitively turned in the direction, almost by accident, to a coaching/mentoring model. This transformation in my style of being with people happened even before there was officially such a profession of life coaching. I knew my role was to help clients look to the past not for reasons to validate their pain, but for clues on how to shift their perspective and expand their ability to chose steps that would transform and insure a more joyful future. Rather than steer them to wade through their past pain I would nudge them to lean in the direction of joy by seeing the past differently and nudge them toward realizing the proactive blessings hidden in even the most challenging circumstances.
When my 1500 internship hours were complete 18 months after
I received my doctoral degree I filed my application to sit for the licensing exam only to find that the licensing board had lost my file!Even though I had my own files and evidence, they insisted that I provide them with signed affidavits from all of my previous instructors to verify that I had completed the necessary coursework. My graduate school had also undergone a change of administration and because it was apparently a hostile political take-over, the new administration was far less than helpful! I found it to be almost impossible without their help to find my professors, some who had moved on. Without the verification, the board was requiring that I retake the classes, as well as 8 additional required classes that had been added to the list of requirements since my graduation.
It was challenging for me to understand how a profession that was supposed to help people find internal peace and expand consciousness could be so dysfunctional and lack compassion or flexibility. This process felt almost as crazy as growing up in a family influenced by alcohol, not to mention that I was going through a divorce at the time and needed to find a way sooner than later to support my daughters.
After hours and hours of study, internship hours, and a huge financial investment, I made the very difficult decision to discontinue my efforts to provide what was necessary to allow me to take the exam. I had to trust that I would find another way to support my
kids using my gifts and skills in the service of helping individuals find greater joy. Since I never really felt like the ‘theraputic model’ was a true ‘fit’ for me, this circumstance nudged me chose to continue to see clients as a ‘spiritual counselor’ so I could be considered ‘legal’ and continue my work. This gave me the freedom to maintain a practice that was much more in alignment with who I was. Although a frightening step, it freed me to apply a much more proactive approach in support of the people I served to take a stand for their own happiness.
Although this was not an easy detour, I have found it true as modeled by my clients over the years that the worst of times can lead us to the best of times if we allow it to do so. Happiness is n
It would be a lie to say that I wasn’t angry and disappointed after all my hard work that I was not allowed to jump through the final hoop to get a few more fancy letters after my name. I blamed ‘them.’ I blamed me, and little by little found the blessing hidden in the mess. In retrospect the experience provided me with a tremendous ‘Gift of Opposites.’ It is because of this obstacle I became stronger, more resilient and creative. I dared to speak up and defy the norm. I found the courage to make a powerful decision not to remain in an unhealthy relationship not only with my ex-husband, but with the licensing board. I believed enough in myself (even with wobbly knees) to lean into my truth and trust I would find a new way to support my daughters and do what I loved. I feel proud to have demonstrated for my daughters how powerful women are. Rather than gain one more ‘thing’ and define my worth based upon having that license, a found more authentic happiness by daring to be more fully who I am not only for myself and my daughters, but for my clients, too.ot merely passing pleasure and the acquisition of things. Those who are courageous enough to choose to make the best out of the worst validate the Ancient Greek’s definition of happiness. The Greeks lived by the belief that happiness was the joy felt when striving for their fullest potential, regardless of the circumstances and even amidst the ups and downs. There is no ‘there’ there! Happiness is not something out there to be acquired when you ‘have enough.’ Happiness is here in the present moment. Durable happiness is right here, right now, and felt deeply when you realize that you ‘are enough’ simply because you breathe.
So when you feel tempted to complain about something that did not go exactly as you planned or are upset about some kind of injustice that comes your way, I encourage you lean toward your truth and trust that there is a blessing and an opportunity disguised inside.
Greater joy comes when you look on the brighter side of life despite life’s twists and turns.
Joy-fully,
If you feel this newsletter would make the road of life a bit easier for another, please pass along. Invite all your family and friends to sign up for my newsletter by visiting http://www.centerofhappiness.com. [/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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